Editors note: I asked that Dan Hurdle share this article he wrote for another publication here on SESSIONS. I found his story and take on the whole Lifestyle issue very interesting. We've know each other for years, and while close he has never fully shared with me what makes up his marriage. His view points are his and his wife of 28 years, and their experience as swingers for a great deal of that time. I will warn you his article is frank and pulls no punches. Above all everyone, this is for entertainment only. I. nor SESSIONS as a whole is trying to promote swinging, it's merely for fun, that's all.
My wife and I have been married for 28 years. We met in high school, became that all so sweet couple, the dreaded High School Sweethearts. 28 years later I can honestly say without a shadow of a doubt that we are abundantly happy. Our marriage at such a young age reflected our also being parents at a young age. We married in the summer and low and behold 9 months later our first child was born. What made it work? How did two young kids stay married at such a young age? Support. We had a great family and they recognized that we needed time away from our baby and the weight of parenthood. So on weekends or weekdays we would get dedicated babysitters. No! Not every couple has this opportunity, believe me we knew how lucky we were. To this day I give thanks to our support. That being said, you would also have to know us. We have always from day one been that couple who hold hands, walk together and find endless things to talk about. Our sexual appetite for each other is still as unsatisfied as the day we met. Apart we might seem boring, together we have gotten ourselves into some extremely erotic predicaments. Why? Because our want to explore is unfulfilled and well that exploration happens to be with sex. Our rule? One of them that is, and the number one rule,.....we never "play" alone. How did we begin? How did we find our life fall into this form of married lifestyle? Simple and one that is cliche,......we played poker with my best friend. This guy I have known since I was 12. We spent summers together, got in trouble together, cried together, laughed, you get what I am saying. He was my best friend, my brother, not by blood but by the heart. When my wife and I were first married, and he was in town from college his whole time home was spent at our home and on our couch. We were three musketeers. And as with any Penthouse letter, we all got drunk, shifted our game of poker from chips to clothes. Get three people together, have one of them a very pretty hot young, 20 year old women, with a cute little body and the other two, virile young men who were horny every second of the day, sported hard ons with a lite breeze and there you have yourself the makings for a threeway. The air is electric, at some point as you all are taking off clothes, you become aware that something more is happening here. The laughing and joking becomes one of sexual interest. The guys are aware the women is almost bare to see her naked body, the women is aware that two men are in the room and both are hungry for her and their erections back it up. Pheromones are clogging their senses. They can smell her and it entices them. She in turn finds their want arousing. The wet between her legs draws a want for something she knows is a taboo. It's dirty. Scorned upon. She'll be a slut, her husband the asshole who gave her up and the friend who was the evil bastard who had to have her. Ok, so I suck at Penthouse letters as well as romance novels. She was no slut and the guys were nice guys. But there is truth in what I'm saying here. For us, the steps were swinging came easily. I loved my friend as a brother, I loved my wife, she loved me, she loved my friend as a brother, ok or call him a surrogate husband. Whatever. Our strip poker evolved into our three taking a shower together, then us all three going to bed together. My wife all along the center of attention. During is was pure heat, sweat, a mix of fluids, an exercise on who can go until morning and go and go. I shared something I love. I love her and wanted to see her pleased. I wanted to see the taboo come to life and I wanted to immerse myself in it, as did both of them. When the sun rose our journey into swinging began. The next few months we played with my buddy when we could. No anger, no selfishness, no jealousy. It just worked and was easy. Then as life works, he found someone who was not into swinging, moved away and our life went back to us, and our memories. During this time we had a second child and again the support was there. I started a business that we both poured our time into. But as with most stories you read, while our sex was great, we both found we had a defect. This is our term for it. While we loved each other with every fiber of our body, extremely close and devoted to the other, we yearned to explore the world of sex, the Lifestyle of Swinging, deeper then we had 2 years earlier. So we sought out equal friends, who were equally defected as we were. We explored every area of it. We had a huge amount of fun, figured out what worked and what was a mistake. 28 years later we are still swinging. We are members of a group or two, have a ton of friends we've made and still have most of them. Our kids know what we do, and no as far as I know they do not share our "defect". We are happy, madly in love, still walk hand in hand, still prefer sex with just each other over sex with others. So these many years later, what made it a success for us, verses a dismal failure for others? Easy answer, much like lightning we both found perfect mates in the other and we hold to simple rules. These rules have helped to separate fact from fiction when it comes to swinging.
First before we explore fact from fiction. Let me explain, our "defect". If you and your mate are also into swinging then you might see this in yourself. The defect is something that not many have. I've been around a lot of friends in the lifestyle and those that have it blow up in their face, one or both don't have this trait. You have to disconnect. That little part in your brain that says this is MY toy and MY toy only, does not make a swinger. If any part of you feels any kind of jealousy or ownership over your significant other then you don't in anyway have this so called, "defect". My wife and I can both disconnect that part of our brain when we are with a couple or a single lover, I want my wife to enjoy and be enjoyed, she in turn wants the same for me. We also want the person we are with to feel special and wanted. I've seen couples that get into swinging because while the wife might love her husband, he just doesn't fully do it for her sexually. These are the couples we stay away from. Because there is a level of selfishness that we want no part of. I've watched husbands towed into watching their wives have sex with young guys with huge trees between their legs and it's nothing more then sad and demoralizing. Shame on the wife and shame on the young stud. Yes! Many indulge in what is called, Cuckolding. This is where the husband actually sets his wife up with a guy to simply fuck her as he watches. He can't touch or be part of it, not at first anyway. Another term for this is Hot Wifing, although Hot Wifing usually ends up being an MFM. Either way. I've also seen the a guy do this. He brought his very pretty wife to a swingers Meet and Greet, hit on my wife, courted her as we all tried to make conversation, she sat timed and scared, he yanked the wife up to dance, plied her with alcohol, etc.. I felt bad for his wife. She wanted no part of this. In the end we bid them good night and went to our hotel room. If you cannot disconnect then there is no reason to get into the Lifestyle of Swinging. None! I've seen so many couples that cannot do this end with one of both finding new mates and or ending their marriage. An upset wife or husband will always utter, I can't get out of my head their spouse finally being with someone other them themselves. And let's be honest and frank right now. Your spouse, your mate, is indeed enjoying it, because it's not the norm, it's a fantasy come to life and it's intoxicating. Like a drug it takes them over.
For the Girls: Size Doesn't matter. Truth and actually Fiction. Borderline. If your cock is small, and he is even slightly bigger then you are or fatter then he is going to hit spots you can't. His girth will feel different. We've had parties where women have wanted us to invite well hung Bluefish. A Bluefish is a single male. Now, for the fiction part, that a guy with a big cock knows just how to use it. Nope! Sorry! We've seen and had guys, both married and single, who have no idea how to use the thing between their legs. They want to go fast, break her spine and assume she's going to beg for more. They are sloppy and can't fuck if their life depends on it. No style, no effort to actually please her other then bringing in the old jackhammer. Truth, a big cock is great, if he knows how to use it. I guy with less can do every bit of what the guy with the big cock cock can and sometimes better. That and some women are built small. A Large cock tears them up. That's not to say a guy with a large cock cannot please. They can. But as with anything else, it's how you use it.
Fiction: A swinger seeks out singles and couples to convert to their way of life. No! In fact we are more selective in our play friends then you are with normal friends. We also tend to leave people alone until we get to know them. Let's be honest here, these are people that at some point you intend to have sex with. So our selection process is very slow, and can at times take forever. The Lifestyle usually has interested parties come to them, not vice versa. So please don't fear us, we are not Vampires looking to drink your blood and join us. Well maybe a few have that fantasy, but not the majority.
Fiction: It's a young persons game. Actually no! While my wife and I started out young, the couples I know who got into swinging began in their late 30's. Most the Swingers in the clubs we are part of range in age from 30's to 50's with a few couples younger and older. Bluefish start young, and go until Viagra doesn't work for them anymore. It's also not a rich persons game. I've seen all levels of income get involved in the lifestyle. Sure the rich can afford the fancy hotel rooms, boats and resorts. But the low income couple rocks the camp outs, the backyard grilling, float trips and weekend strip poker game. Swinging has no income level.
Fact: Swinging can cause the end of your marriage. It can. While not directly, there are elements that can cause to be a reason. One of our rules is, NO PLAYING ALONE. This is a rule that not many stick to. There used to be the old key game, now it's the hotel pass card game. Let's say you have 5 couples. All 5 are interested in the other couples in the room. Each wife is instructed to go to their room, disrobe and wait. While gone, all the hotel room keys or card are put into a bowl, and then selected by each husband. You are then instructed to go to that room key you choose and that's who you will be with. This can be for a few hours or a whole night. While this works for some couples, it's never been our cup of tea. Our kink is doing this together. If you play alone, then odds for it causing issues down the road come into play. That and if you constantly play with the same person over and over, you'll find that it isn't so much sex anymore as it is making love. Our best friend from years ago began to change. He wasn't so much fucking my wife anymore as we was making love to her. So the break was actually good for us all. Swinging everyday of your life is also not a good thing for your marriage, because eventually your marriage is no longer a marriage and it's more about others then it is about you two. We have had many of our friends fall in love with someone they are playing with. Both male and female. We limit how much we play to now only being once a month or maybe twice, or every other month. We've eaten a lot of cake and candy and have now found that we like us time more then the play. That's not to say we have gotten old. It's just not on the top of the list anymore. Summer is probably the time we play the most. But even then we make time for us. Never take this as your life course.
FACT: STD's can be an issue. I would love to say that EVERY couple that plays uses a condom. but the truth is a porn star uses them more then a swinger does. yes! I have been to the parties where a bowl of condoms is offered and we have even brought our own. But the truth is that at a certain point if you feel you know and trust your partners and the pregnancy possibility is covered then most condoms come off. Semen is passed around. Sorry! It happens. We know our play partners quite well these days and odds are we ourselves will not use a condom. That being said, you see more and more couples who want to do anal and it's wise to use a condom and no ass to pussy, best way to pass bacteria. It's one or the other. My wife and I have been lucky in that we have never gotten any kind of diseases from playing and we are checked often. But not everyone is. Fiction: you are more apt to get an STD from a single male (bluefish). This is pure fiction. Any of you can transmit it. Married or single. I've watched women come in with a condom in hand and toss it to the side as the heat builds. Part of the lust for what we do is the taboo, the dirtiness of the act. Skin on skin is part of that act. So when you find that you are are your highest level of lust, a condom is less then wanted.
Fiction; Swinging will be just like it is in a Penthouse Letter. This one makes me chuckle every time I hear it. In the stories everyone reads, the guy has a rock hard cock, big as a tree (usually called a bat), six pack abs, tall and devilish to the eyes. His erections are endless, he can get hard as soon as he comes. It's straight out of an adult movie!! She is hot, weight is perfect to her frame, tits defy gravity. pussy is shaved and trickles wetness down her leg as she anticipates being fucked by you, or the gang bang awaiting. Again I am grinning as I write this. None of this is true. The term you are going to hear a lot is, 'one and done". meaning the guy cums once then has to sit it out at least 15 to 20 minutes before he can go again. In some cases he begins dressing right after he has an orgasm. My wife and my own record is 10 minutes after I came. But that required her to work it for me and I was a good 15 years younger. I now need the 15 to 20 thank you. That's where a good tag team helps. Step out and let the other guy in there. But on and on cumming? I would hate to count the lovers we have had since our early twenties, but to date I know of maybe 3 guys who could do that and even then their second time around wasn't as good as their first. Things become swollen, thirst comes into play, a good toweling off, a rest maybe. No one looks hot after. A woman's perfect hair is matted, makeup running, sweat isn't always pleasant. A guy looks as if he ran a 5k with army boots on and elephant on his back. Anal part of your play? Well let's remember while it's fun to fuck and drive a woman to an intense orgasm, it's also an exit and there are times the sexy little plaything on all fours in front of you, waiting for your hard cock to fuck her ass good, has also had a full course meal and because you both got busy before she could fully digest, there maybe a little surprise in the middle of your hammering her. This is where the shower sex can sometimes be an emergency requirement. Oh and another Fiction....your intended guy to fuck will drop his pants and a full erection is awaiting you. This sadly is false. Not sure what's in the water these days, but we have seen men from as young as early 20's to 60's that have erection problems. Viagra and Cialis are popped like candy. We had a guy who just could not get it up. He was 26. Big cock, but flaccid until I suggested he take a cialis that I have as a backup when we play. He said, no I got this, all tough and cocky. My wife tried, he tried, finally he looks over at me and said, about that pill. Erection problems is a huge issue when playing. Stress to perform is huge. We've seen couples that talk a good game about swinging, go through the motions to play just as you would read in a magazine, yet when it came to the fun time to actually happen they, her or him, or both black out. She might start crying, he might start a fight, or you and your wife might go in the kitchen to mix drinks come back and they have left, you look out the front door and see their car shooting up the street. I've seen play partners throw up from too much alcohol, pass out, get sick, get into fights, guys get into fights, girl fighting girl, you name it we have seen it. So no the reality sometimes is far from a penthouse letter. That isn't to say that every experience has been bad. We've had some very erotic evenings with many. They are not the Ken and Barbies you read about in the magazines. They are just plain people. So never take what you read in Penthouse as how it actually is.